Surreal: when God tells you “IT’S TIME”/the look of a conspiring universe

April 7 2021 when I first arrived in the US (that’s why I told you in my last post that I’m gonna post something in two weeks but it never happened. LOL). I was scared and doubtful – am I gonna make it? I do not have any close friends or family members in that place. New culture, people, work place – basically a new environment.

I have always been afraid but as the saying goes – if it frightens you it is worth the risk. I took that leap of faith. I moved out of my comfort zone. Seven months later, I made it! Or should I say I am happy where I am now. Tbh, I still have a long way to go. Nevertheless, I made it – life adjustment wide. Small victories worth celebrating.

I was able to roam around NYC and NJ. Right now, I am in a flight going to North Dakota and I am getting overwhelmed with everything.

I am and will be forever grateful to God. He really is faithful to His promises. Who would’ve thought that I’d be in this position rn? Totoo yung mahirap maging mahirap kasi parang di mo maiisip mangarap dahil ang goal mo na lang ay to survive everyday (It’s true that being poor is tough as dreaming is your least priority because your goal is mainly to survive everyday). Pero totoo din yong libre lang mangarap kaya taasan mo na (But, it’s true that it’s free to dream so dream high).

It was never easy.

I was never part of the rich kids club. Grepa kung grepa (hanggang ngayon haha) (Financially struggling (till now haha)). Naranasan naming kanin-toyo meal sa buong araw (We experienced eating just rice and soysauce for the whole day). Tapos (Then), I remember back in high school and college I had to walk 4kms going home kasi wala akong pamasahe pinambili ko kasing pagkain, and nag1-2-3 nga din ako once for the same reason (because I do not have money for transportation as I spent it for food, and did not pay for the transportation once for the same reason). Coz food is layp (life) haha. Sakto lang kasing round trip na pamasahe baon namin (We only had the exact amount for a round trip fare). Dati di ko maintindihan bakit yong mga classmates ko may bagong gamit kada simula ng school year tapos kami laging recycled from last year (I didn’t understand back then why my classmates had new school supplies every school year whilst we always recycled last school year’s supplies). But now I fully understand how my parents strived and gave the best of whatever they had back then for us to live and finish school and I will be forever grateful for their life. 

I was never the smartest in the room. I failed a lot of times in life. I was never a straight A student. Ang mahalaga nakagraduate (The important thing is I graduated). 🤣

I was never the prettiest (based on society’s standard). Pero, alam ko, ng pamilya at mga kaibigan kong ako ang pinakamaganda (please walang kokontra haha) (But, I, my family and friends know that I am the fairest of them all (please do not object haha). If I only conformed with that standard prolly I’d be in Hollywood and will say no to Ryan Gosling. Love you, babe. Haha

Totoo din yung everything happens for a reason (It’s also true that everything happens for a reason). I was an NGW for n years na hindi tumataas yong sahod, walang bonus, walang benefits, walang anything (no salary increase, no bonus, no benefits, no anything). I applied for several permanent positions locally pero, shuta laging (but, shit it was always), “we regret to inform you…” – heartbreaking and kakainin yung confidence mo sa sarili (it will eat out your self confidence). Pero, ganun pala yun, sa isang daang bagay na tatanggi sayo, ay may dadating na isang bagay na tatanggap sayo nang buong buo (shet kung it also applies sa jowa, need ko pang 100 jowa haha) (But, I realized, even if you get 100 rejections, you will get fully accepted by one thing (shit if it also applies to romantic relationship, I still need 100 relationships haha). .

It’s truly frustrating when you see others getting their goals faster than you do. But as cliché as it is, life is not a race. We all have a unique timeline designed based on the desires of our heart. We just have to believe, be patient and keep working on it.

When God starts to say “it’s time” or when the universe starts to conspire for you (whichever you believe in), everything will work amidst all the inevitable chaos. Nakakatakot na nakakaexcite kasi parang naaayon lahat ng pagkakataon para sayo (It’s scary and exciting at once because it seems that all the odds are in your favor).

If you are reading this now, losing hope and getting tired of life, it’s normal to feel that way but never give up. Listen to your gut feeling, trust the process, and keep living. One day your heart will be filled with pure joy na mapapabulong ka na lang randomly ng “salamat” (you’ll randomly whisper “thank you”).

I hope you don’t get tired of waiting for God to say it’s time or for the universe to conspire. Never be afraid to dream the impossible. Be patient with yourself and one day you will see that it pays to work on what your heart is craving for.